2. Determine Diggy Dog’s location of guarding (in this case – 10 feet away and so enamored with a cob of corn she hasn’t even noticed said intruder).
3. Snort in contempt at Diggy Dog’s protective abilities and inform DH his dog is useless.
4. Go outside, camera in hand, to take pictures of skunk for blog.
5. Find skunk. Or rather, don’t find skunk and pique Diggy Dog’s interest which coaxes her away from corn cob.
6. Finally locate skunk, but beat back Tala, white wolf of protective fury, so little skunk is no longer vibrating due to the extreme vocal outburst of said dog. Apologize to DH for calling his dog “useless.”
7. Call out children from supper table to witness the tiny and trembling black and white bundle of cuteness.
8. Have great and lengthy discussions of whether skunks of this age can spray.
9. Decide they cannot.
10. Take many pictures.
11. Send children back inside to finish eating supper.
12. Stare at skunk. Notice his cute feet and beady eyes. Poor little thing has lost his mama.
13. Decide something MUST be done before Rio, Mighty Mouse Hunter and “shaker to death of all small living things” gets out of house and attacks baby. This on a scale of 1-10 would be a minus million.
14. Ignore DH who has decided boat maintenance is more important than relocating baby skunk (he shall be punished later).
15. Return to abode and empty out bucket of slushy Margarita mix (to inexperienced skunk relocators – do not drink before attempting relocation – imbibing in tequila beforehand is for professionals only)
16. Wash bucket…after all, nobody likes a sticky skunk.
17. Take bucket and lid back to baby skunk location—deep in the bush by the birdfeeder where the mosquitoes are plentiful and huge.
18. Get bitten many times by said mozzies (do not wear lowrider jeans for this kind of operation thus avoiding many bites near the crack of your bum. RED WELTS ON BUM ARE NOT SEXY).
19. Chase skunk through underbrush still believing babies don’t yet have spray.
20. Corner baby skunk and quickly but gently place bucket over him. Slide lid under baby skunk’s feet and slooooooowly tip bucket.
21. Notice that baby skunks of this age DO spray. AND it smells.
22. Say prayer of thanks and gratitude that the bucket was at least in place.
23. Proudly march over to DH’s shop and tell him of your heroic endeavors. Ignore him when he tells you that you STINK. It’s just his little way of expressing love.
24. Have DH carry bucket through fields to far away stand of trees so he can stink too.
26. Take many pictures.
27. Blog about it the next day