Archive for March, 2006

I meant to say

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are 2005’s winners:

1.  Cashtration (n.):   The act of buying a house, which renders the subject  financially  impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2.  Ignoranus:   A person who’s both stupid and a you know what.

3.  Intaxication:   Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4.  Reintarnation:   Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5.  Bozone (n.):   The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6.  Foreploy:  Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting some.

7.  Giraffiti:   Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8.  Sarchasm:   The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9.  Inoculatte:   To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10.  Hipatitis:   Terminal coolness.

11.  Osteopornosis:   A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12.  Karmageddon:   It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

13.  Decafalon (n.):   The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14.  Glibido:   All talk and no action.

15.  Dopeler effect:   The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16.  Arachnoleptic fit (n.):   The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

17.  Beelzebug (n.):   Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18.  Caterpallor (n.):   The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.


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